i have figured my writing out

[readingthedark]

Earlier today, discussing how I've never done an outline in my life, I nutshelled my writing process:

"Scribble note on back of menu,
find it a week later,
write a poem about the note,
draw three crude pictures to understand the scene's geography and mental landscapes,
read Shelley, Keats, Kiernan, Ligotti or someone else that seems relevant,
write ten versions of the scene,
try not to weep,
pick best version,
do character sketches and go through previous chapters to understand all the ramifications and what's in play,
read out loud six times,
buy textbooks about the subject, genre or theme online,
email a lousy draft to friends,
remove the adverbs,
wonder what the aforementioned -- or Pynchon or whoever -- other writers would think of the work,
finally weep pondering what Derrida or Kristeva or Foucault would say,
pretend I'm going to go jogging but instead put a pillow over my face and scream three times,
rewrite the entire scene by hand in the dark with only a candle for light,
print it out,
re-read it ten more times with a pen in my hand,
repeat as necessary,
eventually send it out once or twice and then decide it's crap and shelve it."

Also today, I finally watched the William Gibson documentary, "No maps for these territories." He talked about realizing that the most interesting moments of his writing came from the actual writing. In other words, the cool (I'd say visionary) ideas came from the actual writing process, not the staring off into space trying to have good ideas process...

Combining those thoughts in my head, something has to give.